Confession: Saying no is difficult.

Yesterday was the worst day I have ever had.

Last week (or the previous week), I was asked or rather assigned to be the female rep fire warden, representing company to go for fire drill briefing. I didn't want to and so, I said no.

And yesterday, I was sent a calendar invite to attend the briefing on 26th March and the actual fire drill practise on 30th March. I was annoyed and irritated. I sent an email to my office manager (my 好姐妹) saying I doesn't want to, and was given a "good girl" reply, followed by a Thank you z and xxx. It just made my blood boiled.

I declined the invitation there and then.

Email then came in again to asked what happened, why I declined. I said, I doesn't want to. And my 好姐妹 came over and told me this is an order from the company and I would need to follow.

I was really pissed so I kept quiet. "Please just take it as offering some help to the company." "..." "How?"

"No, I don't want."

"Ok..." and she stomped off.


I don't know if I am the one who is in the wrong, but I really doesnt want to. I do not want to 跟任何人翻脸, neither do I try to piss anyone off.

I really don't have this kind of 心力 to attend this kind of briefing and lead the whole team going down from 37th floor to 1st floor. Please.


What I am pissed off is, why am I the one being chosen. Because I gave in most of the time and I am easiest to manage? Like, seriously?

I did say that I doesn't want, and did anyone actually cares?

I know this might be small matter and I should just give in. I am sorry to say that I am giving in too much, and I am sad for myself. 我这样委屈我自己，一直对别人笑，自己生气的容忍（牺牲），换来的好像只有更委屈，继续让，这样对吗？


Nobody was tasked/asked/assigned after that, it was she herself who be one. So am I the only one you think can help, Or because I was willing most of the time so... I need to be this time, as well?

我很失望.

I always be a nice person, because I am one who doesn't like conflict. I tried to give in so everyone will be happy (especially to her, because I appreciate), and I think I am pretty much, taken for granted.

I cried the whole night because of this. I appreciated the friendship a lot and I never thought this would happen (given our relationship, I would think I would probably given a choice, at least).

I treated you with my 真心, I hope I can at least be given some flexibility to say no.

Heart broken,
Z